A few days ago, I was cleaning what I thought was a large wooden cabinet hung on the wall. “Hey Mr. Charles, what’s this big thing that I’m cleaning?”
“That,” said Mr. Charles, as he regarded it like a painting, “is a mailbox from Goshen New York from the 1890’s. Do you see the little key holes there? The mail officer would put the mail into the back of those chambers and residents would use their keys to get it out from the front. That’s probably one hundred and twenty years old.”
“And what’s that creepy head in there?” I asked. I was referring to what I had thought was a disturbing looking Mardi Gras mannequin head displayed in one of the mailbox windows (refer to Zemblanity #2).
“Don’t you make fun of her,” said Mr. Charles in his mischievous way. “She’s famous. That is an old-fashioned wax mannequin head that I brought back from Paris many, many years ago, when I was an aspiring designer. She’s probably worth a lot of money. One time, Salvador Dali was in – this was when he was living in New York… the mid-sixties, I think – and he took one look at her and said, ‘I must have her for my show!’ So I said, ‘Why yes. Of course!’ and he walks out with her.
“Well, for my contribution he gave me a free ticket to the show, which was at the Museum of Modern Art and there she was, at the bottom of an enormous fish tank. She was surrounded by car parts as though there had been a terrible car crash into a river and there were shells and snails all over her face. Who knows what it all meant.”
“So Dali brought her back?”
“Yes, a week or two after the show had closed. And then we had a waiter who was also a hair stylist and makeup artist. I was gone on vacation one summer and he put that wild wig on her and that makeup all over her face. I don’t much like it that way to tell you the truth. Makes her look like a hooker. Loses some of its authenticity, don’t you know.”
I touched the waxen mannequin face. Wow. This was a part of a work by Salvador Dali. I probably should have guessed.
“Did you also know that those mirrored butterflies upstairs came from Josephine Baker’s nightclub in Paris? She was the black dancer from Chicago who would dance in Paris wearing only a string of bananas around her waist. The Parisians absolutely loved her. The stained-glass butterflies downstairs aren’t from her club, they’re from the Tiffany Company.”
At this point, Miss Annette shuffles up in her flamboyantly red shaggy coat that looked as if it had been made out of a hundred false feather boas or perhaps a quantity of skinned Elmos. It occurred to me that she was the legendary Madame of Zemblanity and that when she died, it would be as if a great and scandalizing library had burned down. She was chuckling and reading a book from the Zemblanity General Store entitled “How to Live with a Huge Penis: Advice and Meditations and Wisdom for Men Who Have Too Much.”
“My God,” said Annette. “Get this. Did you know that Hitler had a one-inch penis when erect? And that the Nazis prized small penises? My god, do you believe that or what? I wonder how they found out about that. It would sure explain a lot of things though. Says here Churchill knew that if Hitler won the war, men everywhere with big penises would be in danger. God, do you believe that?”
Then, only a few minutes later, Zemblanity’s publicist comes down and hands me a piece of paper, which I promptly copied down. It reads:
Whereas: In this culinary capital of the world, New York City’s restaurants are true Meecas for gastronomic aficionados. And no restaurant fits the bill better than Zemblanity 3, which opened its doors in our City in 1954. Since that time it has been dishing out such delectable treats as its signature Icy Hot Chocolate to countless customers from around the globe. Today, the City of New York is proud to join in celebrating Zemblanity 3’s more than five decades of success as it serves its ten millionth Icy Hot Chocolate.
Whereas: As New York’s first coffee house boutique, Zemblanity 3 opened with just four tables, sixteen chairs, and a sturdy espresso machine. Its Icy Hot Chocolate recipe is a highly guarded secret, but what we do know is that this combination of fourteen different premium cocoas has become an iconic gastronomic experience for locals and visitors alike, who will wait on line for hours to enjoy one.
Whereas: On behalf of the City of New York, I commend all those associated with Zemblanity 3 for bringing the wonderful art of the Icy Hot Chocolate drink to our great city for more than five delicious decades. Please accept my best wishes for an enjoyable celebration, many more years of success, and (at least) another ten million more Icy Hot Chocolates!
Now therefore, I, Michael R. Bloomberg, Mayor of the City of New York, do hereby proclaim Wednesday, February 3rd, 2010 in the City of New York as:
“Zemblanity 3 Day!”
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